Reaching out for the Holidays

Do you know a neighbor, friend or even church member who has lost a loved one some time during this year? It seems as we get older it becomes more often that we know them.
Christmas is one of the hardest times for those who have lost a loved one. It almost tops the anniversary date of their death, birthdays and other events. Christmas has always been about family and being together. The loss that is felt at this time of year is deeper and heavier then one can imagine.

This year, reach out to someone who could use a little Christmas cheer. Invite them over for dinner or take them out to lunch. Let them talk about their loved one without feeling rushed. Give them the gift of time. It's just as difficult to take a few minutes in the rush and hustle of Christmas but it will be a lasting gift of time that can never be taken away.
If you know a widow or widower, single mom or just a lonely grandma, bring them over to enjoy the season with you. It's what Christmas means to many and it will mean the world to the person who otherwise would have been alone.

Celebrating the Holidays without your Loved One

This month has been one of the hardest so far as I deal with the passing of my father. The holidays are fast approaching and I just don't feel much like celebrating.
Have you felt like this? It is normal, but it doesn't make it easy.

Here is an article that helps you understand that the pain is normal, but that you can turn that pain into a new tradition that will honor your loved ones memory at Christmas time and throughout the year.

Read it here at Planet Gift Baskets where you can send a sympathy gift basket any time of year.

Holidays and Grief

Heading to a grief support group was not my idea but my friends. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to have to deal with all the emotions. Grief is such a private thing. However, I went with her.
The director introduced us, I sat silent. While people talked, I kept longing to hear the words that would bring me comfort. The meeting was over, the director finished with her usual speech about everyone grieving differently, but I knew most of that.
In the parking lot that night I began to sob. My friend, compassionate and sincere, stood beside me with her arm on my shoulder. I'm not sure she spoke a word, words were not needed. It was just her being there that meant so much. I was not alone.

Later as she drove me home I started to talk about the upcoming holidays and how hard it would be. Remembering all the good memories just tore at my heart. Knowing that I wasn't able to spend the last holidays with my loved one pulled at my heart. The harder I tried to remember our last holiday together, the more foggy my memory became. And then I told her those words I was waiting to hear from the support group. "It will get better, the holidays will get easier" I told her no one said it. Everyone should me sympathy, but no one told me it would get easier.
My friend, wise beyond her years stopped in front of my house. She turned to me and put her arm on my shoulder again. Her words did not bring me comfort this time. "It is not going to get easier, you will always hold these memories in your heart and they will come up when you least expect it." Oh, the pain in my heart at those words. Her next sentence did give me some relief. "I will be here for you, and we can remember together every holiday if you like."
The importance of that simple comment has stayed with me for several years now. Yes, the holidays have changed for me, we have new traditions, new memories, but all the old ones are still with me. My heart aches at my loss, but I always know my friend is right there when I need her. She seems to call right when I'm at my lowest, she has sent me cards that seem to know what day to arrive, she has even showed up to take me out to coffee when I didn't even know I needed the break.

If there is one lesson I have learned from this part of my life, it is the constant love and support of friends who stay by your side, each day, each week and each moment that you need them. Friends who love you enough to remember with you and remember you during the holidays.

If you have a friend or family member who has lost a loved one, why not take a few minutes to drop a card in the mail, make that phone call or just show up to take them out for dinner or coffee. I promise, it will be exactly what the need.

A Guide to Grief : HospiceNet.Org

Grief is the normal process of reacting to the loss. Grief reactions may be felt in response to physical losses (for example, a death) or in response to symbolic or social losses (for example, divorce or loss of a job). Each type of loss means the person has had something taken away. As a family goes through a cancer illness, many losses are experienced, and each triggers its own grief reaction. Grief may be experienced as a mental, physical, social, or emotional reaction. Mental reactions can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems, or illness. Social reactions can include feelings about taking care of others in the family, seeing family or friends, or returning to work.

To read the rest of this article head over to HospiceNet.Org.

The information on their website is helpful for anyone who is suffering a loss. The death of a spouse, parent or child can be life changing, and grief comes in so many forms. Understanding and being able to identify your stages of grief can in itself be a step towards healing. Hospice was a wonderful help to our family and their website is full of information to help all those involved.

Thank you to HospiceNet.Org for writing this article.

How to Handle Gift Requests at Funerals

The family has asked for charitable donations in lieu of gifts. Can I send flowers or a sympathy gift basket anyway?

Yes you can. The family is trying to let people know that we don’t want you to spend money on flowers that will only be enjoyed for awhile and that instead we would like your money to do more good for others in our loved ones name. It does not mean they would turn them away or think less of you, it just means they are trying to be practical and change a difficult time into some good. If you want to send a gift or flowers by all means do it. It will cheer them to know they are thought of and it will be welcomed. If you do make a charitable donation a note saying what charity you donated to is more than acceptable. You do not need to note the amount you sent.

Remembering the anniversary of a death.

It has been a year since my friends husband has died, should I let her know I’m thinking of her or would that bring up too many wounds?

Yes you should call or come over, it is going to be a difficult day whether anyone calls them or not. Having a friend who remembers will go a long way in easing the pain of the day. It doesn’t take much to show you have remembered their loved one, and yet it can mean the world to the person who has lived the loss daily for a year. It shows them that their loved one has lived on in the hearts of friends and family and that the memory has not faded or gone. Time does heal, time does lessen the pain, however that first anniversary is hard. By just remembering them with a simple gesture you can ease their pain tenfold.

The Importance of a Sympathy Card

An interview recently turned up this thought provoking look at how a simple sympathy card could really make a difference in the life of someone who is grieving.

Read the article here.