Reaching out for the Holidays

Do you know a neighbor, friend or even church member who has lost a loved one some time during this year? It seems as we get older it becomes more often that we know them.
Christmas is one of the hardest times for those who have lost a loved one. It almost tops the anniversary date of their death, birthdays and other events. Christmas has always been about family and being together. The loss that is felt at this time of year is deeper and heavier then one can imagine.

This year, reach out to someone who could use a little Christmas cheer. Invite them over for dinner or take them out to lunch. Let them talk about their loved one without feeling rushed. Give them the gift of time. It's just as difficult to take a few minutes in the rush and hustle of Christmas but it will be a lasting gift of time that can never be taken away.
If you know a widow or widower, single mom or just a lonely grandma, bring them over to enjoy the season with you. It's what Christmas means to many and it will mean the world to the person who otherwise would have been alone.

Holidays and Grief

Heading to a grief support group was not my idea but my friends. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to have to deal with all the emotions. Grief is such a private thing. However, I went with her.
The director introduced us, I sat silent. While people talked, I kept longing to hear the words that would bring me comfort. The meeting was over, the director finished with her usual speech about everyone grieving differently, but I knew most of that.
In the parking lot that night I began to sob. My friend, compassionate and sincere, stood beside me with her arm on my shoulder. I'm not sure she spoke a word, words were not needed. It was just her being there that meant so much. I was not alone.

Later as she drove me home I started to talk about the upcoming holidays and how hard it would be. Remembering all the good memories just tore at my heart. Knowing that I wasn't able to spend the last holidays with my loved one pulled at my heart. The harder I tried to remember our last holiday together, the more foggy my memory became. And then I told her those words I was waiting to hear from the support group. "It will get better, the holidays will get easier" I told her no one said it. Everyone should me sympathy, but no one told me it would get easier.
My friend, wise beyond her years stopped in front of my house. She turned to me and put her arm on my shoulder again. Her words did not bring me comfort this time. "It is not going to get easier, you will always hold these memories in your heart and they will come up when you least expect it." Oh, the pain in my heart at those words. Her next sentence did give me some relief. "I will be here for you, and we can remember together every holiday if you like."
The importance of that simple comment has stayed with me for several years now. Yes, the holidays have changed for me, we have new traditions, new memories, but all the old ones are still with me. My heart aches at my loss, but I always know my friend is right there when I need her. She seems to call right when I'm at my lowest, she has sent me cards that seem to know what day to arrive, she has even showed up to take me out to coffee when I didn't even know I needed the break.

If there is one lesson I have learned from this part of my life, it is the constant love and support of friends who stay by your side, each day, each week and each moment that you need them. Friends who love you enough to remember with you and remember you during the holidays.

If you have a friend or family member who has lost a loved one, why not take a few minutes to drop a card in the mail, make that phone call or just show up to take them out for dinner or coffee. I promise, it will be exactly what the need.

Showing Kindness During This Back To School Season

Mom's usually love shopping with their children for the back to school days. Trying on outfits, getting school supplies, a fun lunch just the girls and maybe even getting that hair cut and pedicure together.
Maybe your children are all grown up but you know of a single dad whose wife has passed away. If you have the little extra to give why not take their son or daughter out for a back to school shopping trip. It doesn't have to cost a fortune to give of your time to make a child feel extra special.
If it's the single mom who has a child at home her finances might be extra tight. Offer to take them both out school shopping or give them a few gift cards to the local store to purchase a few items as well as a gift card for lunch out and even a hair cut.
These simple gifts will go a long way and help a child have a wonderful memory to share of back to school shopping. And it will help out the single parent in many ways.

Sympathy Charms

About a year ago I came across these unique sympathy charms. This is a beautiful way to give a sympathy gift or keepsake to a friend or family member. These charms caught my eye because of the detail that can be seen and the precious memories that can be forever etched in silver or gold.

These gifts are perfect for children who have lost a grandparent, parent or friend. A beautiful gift for a widow who has lost her spouse.

A beautiful memorial piece that will be cherished for many years and generations to come.

Patriot Guards also Known as Operation Patriotic Shield

I was listening to the radio station this morning when the local news told of a story of the Operation Patriotic Shield. I was intrigued and listened.
I was aware of the protests that have been happening at military funerals. While they saddened me deeply, I wasn't sure what I could do to help. This is where Operation Patriotic Shield comes in. Normal every day people like you and I come in with flags and posters thanking the family for the service and sacrifice of their loved one. These people, everyday citizens, line the funeral route to overwhelm the protesters. It's kind of like a human shield of honor.
Stephanie Williams of the Kansas City Examiner wrote an amazing article that shows how important this is.

If your interested in knowing more or participating in a local ceremony check out the Political Chips website or Operation Payback. Both sites are updated often. There is also a facebook group called Operation Patriotic Shield that you can friend.

Take Initiative

When someone we know is experiencing grief we don't always know exactly what we should do. Do we let them take the lead and call us? Do we send a card and offer help, but let them take initiative? What is the right thing to do, and for how long?
First thing, be the one who takes the initiative. Your friend is grieving and her memory may be very short at this time. Don't expect her to remember who said they would help when a card was sent. Call from time to time to check up on your friend and continue to offer your help. Be specific with errands you think you could run for her that would help. Drop off a dinner, don't wait to be asked. Most times people will not ask, so here is a great time to just take the initiative and assume it will be appreciated. To make it convenient put it in a throw away container, mark and date it and offer to put it in the freezer for her.
Offer to take the kids to the park or run them to practice. If she does have younger kids she may not have had time to properly grieve since she is trying to stay strong for her kids. An offer to let the kids get out will be appreciated in many ways.
If you know your friend is going to a bereavement group, offer to go along. Support can go along way, even if it is just being there.
Remember the holidays, this can be one of the most difficult times during the first few years. A quick call, an invite to dinner or even a card just letting them know you are remembering them during this difficult time will go along way to show you care.

Above all, be genuine. Do for your friend what you would hope someone would do for you. You can't go wrong ever, by showing someone you truly do care.

Blankets of Love

One year the kids and I read about a program called Blanket of Love. It was a non-profit organization that collected gently used blankets and shipped them to Sudan. Hundreds of thousands of blankets have made it into the arms of many who had nothing but a thin rag to cover themselves at night. My children almost instantly began gathering all the blankets that were not in use at that exact moment. I was worried that maybe we would give too many, that we may need some of those blankets for ourselves. When my children reminded me that each of our beds no only had a sheet, a blanket and a comforter, I realized they really were showing compassion. My eyes flooded with tears as we boxed up a huge box of blankets that will still in very good shape and kept the older ones for ourselves. Their idea, not mine. They were not going to wait even one day. It was off to the post office with our huge box of blankets. It was such a small price to pay to send these blankets to a U.S address where they would bag them up to be airlifted.
It's been four years and we still have more blankets then we use. While I'm not sure if Blankets of Love is still in operation, I know my local shelter could benefit from the donation as well.

Secret Valentines

There are many reasons to look forward to Valentines Day. Kids love giving cards to their classmates and the class parties that cut into the school day. Young lovers, enjoy giving gifts and cards that express their deep desires. Couples enjoy a night out together over a romantic dinner. Parents tuck valentine notes into their kids lunches or coat pockets. For many, Valentines is more than just chocolate, but a day to really show your appreciation for the one you spend your days and nights with.

For some, Valentines is another day that triggers heart ache. Those who have lost a loved one, friend or family member are the hardest hit. Single people who long to find someone special can feel saddened when love abounds in the air.

A wonderful way to take the sting out of being single, whether by choice or by chance, is to take this day and do something secretive and special for someone you know who may also be having an equally hard time. Send some roses signed, "from a friend who thinks your the best" or "thinking of you today". An elderly woman who has lost her spouse will be touched by the jester and it will help to brighten your day too knowing you were that secret someone who cared.

A Little Goes a Long Way

You know we are entering a new technological age when you can donate money via text message. You may have thought it couldn't work, but the Red Cross has received over 7 million dollars since the Haiti earth quake doing just that. Just before midnight two days after the quake the Red Cross tweeted: You can text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts in Haiti. Since then over 700,000 people have done just that. Think you don't have time to research out a company, write out a check, or put it in the mail? Now you can pick up your phone and in less then 60 seconds donate money to a reputable charity. For the first time in years the Red Cross has used technology to connect to the young Americans that are so hard to reach, and they have responded.

If you are a U.S. cell phone users here is an easy way to donate $10. Text “HAITI” to 90999 and the money will be automatically billed in your next monthly statement.