9 Ways To Help Someone Who Is Grieving

 Grieving takes time. The healing can happen gradually. You can help someone through the process by giving them support, but you cannot make it go away. There is no right or wrong length of time, some people grieve and go through the stages quite quickly and revisit them over the years, some people linger over the stages.  

We have have come with a few simple ways to support those who are grieving.

• Help create routines

• Talk about past memories

• Focus on the positive and not what if’s

• Pray with and for the person who is hurting

• Encourage them to get involved with a church group

• As a friend remember hard days or moments of time (anniversaries, birthdays)

• Remind your friend of loved one that it is okay to smile and laugh

• Suggest writing a letter to the loved one, or keeping a journal

• Don’t be afraid to have a good time or to laugh 

To Read More about helping other while grieving, please visit Planet Gift Baskets

Top 10 Sympathy Gifts of 2012

Sending a sympathy gift can often be difficult. Not having the right words, or finding a gift that is meaningful enough can be hard. It's true what they say, there are no words. Sometimes its that sentiment that brings the most comfort to those that are grieving. Just knowing that someone else doesn't have the words either to grieve with you. It's the depth of that statement that rings so true for those in the middle of the heavy grief that comes with the loss of a loved one.

Sending a sympathy gift that is tastefully done, filled with simple treats, comforting poems or books and memorial jewelery or candles can often times be the perfect sentiment. Words do escape us when we or someone we love is experiencing grief. Send a sympathy gift basket that will bring comfort to those who are hurting.

How to Respond to Grief on the Social Media

I've talked about social media and grieving before. My friend passed away and her facebook book page became somewhat of a memorial to her as friend comforted each other and posted memories and photos.
Recently I've had another kind of grieving happening on my facebook. A family lost their young child very unexpectedly. The parents are very active on their facebook accounts and have used it to grieve openly and yet privately. Gleaning from their openness I've been able to share a few social media etiquette points when responding to someones grief on the social media websites.

Visit us a Planet Gift Baskets to read the full article.

Reaching out for the Holidays

Do you know a neighbor, friend or even church member who has lost a loved one some time during this year? It seems as we get older it becomes more often that we know them.
Christmas is one of the hardest times for those who have lost a loved one. It almost tops the anniversary date of their death, birthdays and other events. Christmas has always been about family and being together. The loss that is felt at this time of year is deeper and heavier then one can imagine.

This year, reach out to someone who could use a little Christmas cheer. Invite them over for dinner or take them out to lunch. Let them talk about their loved one without feeling rushed. Give them the gift of time. It's just as difficult to take a few minutes in the rush and hustle of Christmas but it will be a lasting gift of time that can never be taken away.
If you know a widow or widower, single mom or just a lonely grandma, bring them over to enjoy the season with you. It's what Christmas means to many and it will mean the world to the person who otherwise would have been alone.

Celebrating the Holidays without your Loved One

This month has been one of the hardest so far as I deal with the passing of my father. The holidays are fast approaching and I just don't feel much like celebrating.
Have you felt like this? It is normal, but it doesn't make it easy.

Here is an article that helps you understand that the pain is normal, but that you can turn that pain into a new tradition that will honor your loved ones memory at Christmas time and throughout the year.

Read it here at Planet Gift Baskets where you can send a sympathy gift basket any time of year.

Holidays and Grief

Heading to a grief support group was not my idea but my friends. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to have to deal with all the emotions. Grief is such a private thing. However, I went with her.
The director introduced us, I sat silent. While people talked, I kept longing to hear the words that would bring me comfort. The meeting was over, the director finished with her usual speech about everyone grieving differently, but I knew most of that.
In the parking lot that night I began to sob. My friend, compassionate and sincere, stood beside me with her arm on my shoulder. I'm not sure she spoke a word, words were not needed. It was just her being there that meant so much. I was not alone.

Later as she drove me home I started to talk about the upcoming holidays and how hard it would be. Remembering all the good memories just tore at my heart. Knowing that I wasn't able to spend the last holidays with my loved one pulled at my heart. The harder I tried to remember our last holiday together, the more foggy my memory became. And then I told her those words I was waiting to hear from the support group. "It will get better, the holidays will get easier" I told her no one said it. Everyone should me sympathy, but no one told me it would get easier.
My friend, wise beyond her years stopped in front of my house. She turned to me and put her arm on my shoulder again. Her words did not bring me comfort this time. "It is not going to get easier, you will always hold these memories in your heart and they will come up when you least expect it." Oh, the pain in my heart at those words. Her next sentence did give me some relief. "I will be here for you, and we can remember together every holiday if you like."
The importance of that simple comment has stayed with me for several years now. Yes, the holidays have changed for me, we have new traditions, new memories, but all the old ones are still with me. My heart aches at my loss, but I always know my friend is right there when I need her. She seems to call right when I'm at my lowest, she has sent me cards that seem to know what day to arrive, she has even showed up to take me out to coffee when I didn't even know I needed the break.

If there is one lesson I have learned from this part of my life, it is the constant love and support of friends who stay by your side, each day, each week and each moment that you need them. Friends who love you enough to remember with you and remember you during the holidays.

If you have a friend or family member who has lost a loved one, why not take a few minutes to drop a card in the mail, make that phone call or just show up to take them out for dinner or coffee. I promise, it will be exactly what the need.

A Guide to Grief : HospiceNet.Org

Grief is the normal process of reacting to the loss. Grief reactions may be felt in response to physical losses (for example, a death) or in response to symbolic or social losses (for example, divorce or loss of a job). Each type of loss means the person has had something taken away. As a family goes through a cancer illness, many losses are experienced, and each triggers its own grief reaction. Grief may be experienced as a mental, physical, social, or emotional reaction. Mental reactions can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems, or illness. Social reactions can include feelings about taking care of others in the family, seeing family or friends, or returning to work.

To read the rest of this article head over to HospiceNet.Org.

The information on their website is helpful for anyone who is suffering a loss. The death of a spouse, parent or child can be life changing, and grief comes in so many forms. Understanding and being able to identify your stages of grief can in itself be a step towards healing. Hospice was a wonderful help to our family and their website is full of information to help all those involved.

Thank you to HospiceNet.Org for writing this article.

How to Handle Gift Requests at Funerals

The family has asked for charitable donations in lieu of gifts. Can I send flowers or a sympathy gift basket anyway?

Yes you can. The family is trying to let people know that we don’t want you to spend money on flowers that will only be enjoyed for awhile and that instead we would like your money to do more good for others in our loved ones name. It does not mean they would turn them away or think less of you, it just means they are trying to be practical and change a difficult time into some good. If you want to send a gift or flowers by all means do it. It will cheer them to know they are thought of and it will be welcomed. If you do make a charitable donation a note saying what charity you donated to is more than acceptable. You do not need to note the amount you sent.

Remembering the anniversary of a death.

It has been a year since my friends husband has died, should I let her know I’m thinking of her or would that bring up too many wounds?

Yes you should call or come over, it is going to be a difficult day whether anyone calls them or not. Having a friend who remembers will go a long way in easing the pain of the day. It doesn’t take much to show you have remembered their loved one, and yet it can mean the world to the person who has lived the loss daily for a year. It shows them that their loved one has lived on in the hearts of friends and family and that the memory has not faded or gone. Time does heal, time does lessen the pain, however that first anniversary is hard. By just remembering them with a simple gesture you can ease their pain tenfold.

The Importance of a Sympathy Card

An interview recently turned up this thought provoking look at how a simple sympathy card could really make a difference in the life of someone who is grieving.

Read the article here.

Helping your Child Deal with Grief

Helping Children Deal With Grief means you must also work at accepting your own feelings about grief. It is not an easy road, but realizing that we are grief differently, understanding that grief can show itself in many different forms will help us to accept it. 

Adults and children respond to that grief differently. Younger children may view the death as temporary or reversible. They do not grasp the finality of death. Because children view death differently than adults they should never be forced to attend a funeral if they are scared to go. Let them deal with the death on their own terms such as drawing a picture, writing a letter or making a scrapbook.

Remember, children may simply be grieving because they see you grieving. Accept where they are, encourage them to explore feelings, and be honest about your own. Like everything, grief is a process. There will be good days and bad. There will be easy days and difficult. Understanding that you are grieving and it is acceptable will help you to face it head on.

If grief ever becomes so overwhelming that you can not function for days at a time, consider seeing a grief counselor to help you. There is no shame in seeking help. Think of it as a gift to yourself and your children as you pass your healing on to them.

Thrust into a care giving situation does not mean you don't need support and help. This video from the CRFoundation will help you understand how you can support the caregiver and how the caregiver can get support.

Preparing Children for Surgery

I have some wonderful friends who have a little boy with a heart defect. He has had several open heart surgeries. I've been blessed to watch how they help him understand all the tubes and wires, doctors and nurses and the unfamiliar surroundings.
He is 5 years old and this will be his 7th surgery. That is a lot for a little one. Building a sense of control into his life is key. For weeks ahead of time they "play" doctor and listen to each others hearts. Getting him familiar with the masks and the doctors tools.
A good set of Fisher price doctors tools and bag helps them to play these simple games which actually are preparing him for the real doctor. His parents do their best to keep happy and play with him to keep his mind off things.
The biggest thing they have reminded me of is that children are very aware with how comfortable or uncomfortable the parents are around the doctor and machines. If you are relaxed your child will naturally follow your lead. It may be hard to hold it together some times in front of the child, but doing your best to smile and stay calm is the best way to help your child do the same.

Showing Kindness During This Back To School Season

Mom's usually love shopping with their children for the back to school days. Trying on outfits, getting school supplies, a fun lunch just the girls and maybe even getting that hair cut and pedicure together.
Maybe your children are all grown up but you know of a single dad whose wife has passed away. If you have the little extra to give why not take their son or daughter out for a back to school shopping trip. It doesn't have to cost a fortune to give of your time to make a child feel extra special.
If it's the single mom who has a child at home her finances might be extra tight. Offer to take them both out school shopping or give them a few gift cards to the local store to purchase a few items as well as a gift card for lunch out and even a hair cut.
These simple gifts will go a long way and help a child have a wonderful memory to share of back to school shopping. And it will help out the single parent in many ways.

Respecting the Wishes of the Deceased

There comes a time when we have to discuss with our parents or loved ones their wishes for burial. I considered it a great honor to hold their final wishes in my heart. Tragedies happen all to often and not only are we not given the chance to say goodbye, but we are sometimes left wondering what kind of service, burial or final resting place they would have wanted.
It's difficult to discuss those wishes with those we love but knowing that the last greatest gift you can give them is to honor their requests brings comfort to a broken heart.
Recently we discussed my father's requests for services and burial. He has asked that no public services are held and that his remains are cremated and spread somewhere he enjoyed as a child. While they may not be what I would want for him, these are his wishes and as his daughter I feel it's my duty to honor him this way.
In order to properly respect all the wishes of your love one, store all the papers and directives in one place. It is likely they have an advanced directive, make sure they have filled out exactly what they want medically. Secondly, if they have a preference as to what funeral home they want attending to their body make sure you have the contact information. Depending on burial or cremation make sure you understand where they want to be laid to rest. Many times they may have a spouse or other family cemetery they want to buried in. Note any material processions they want buried with them. Finally have a list of poems, songs or letters they want read at their service.
Store all these papers in a labeled envelope in a file cabinet. Update as needed. This will allow you and your loved one peace of mind and one last thing they need to concern themselves with in their last days.

Sympathy and Social Media

Recently while watching a movie with my family I glanced over facebook on my blackberry. It was at that moment that I saw a post that choked me up. A friend of mine had passed away suddenly the night before. Shocked I ran to the computer and pulled up facebook and her profile to see if this was a joke or true. What I found was touching. She had indeed passed away but the expressions of all her friends as they posted on her wall with memories and prayers was comforting. Her facebook page had become an online memorial service. Friends comforting each other with sweet stories, posts to her saying how much they will miss her. Pictures shared by her friends and family so that all could witness her life. Prayers and comforting words for the family she left behind and a sense of being able to say goodbye.
While I'm not sure facebook is the way I want to find out when someone has died, this social media outlet has had a healing effect for her family as well as for her friends. I've appreciated all the posts and pictures, songs and poems people have shared. Today I will attend her Memorial Service, something a week ago I would not have even considered. I feel prepared to walk in knowing that there are so many people who loved her.

Holly Davis was 35 years old when she passed away. She will be missed.

Expressing Your Sympathy When The Boss Dies

Sympathy Gift Baskets

How does one express sympathy to the family of your boss when they pass away? Many times the employees do not have a close relationship to the boss, yet the untimely passing leaves a huge gap that is not easily filled.
The first thing to do is respect the wishes of the immediate family. If you have been invited to the memorial service it is polite to attend. Many times in larger corporations representatives from each department or branch are asked to attend. In this case one person should come to represent the group and could bring a gift or card signed by each member they are representing.
If you have fond memories of the person it is also acceptable to send a card with the representative for the family expressing your sympathy and your memories.
No one enjoys going to funerals, but when it is requested that employees attend going to show the family your support is important. While the person may have just been your boss, he or she is also someones close family member and seeing supporters does bring a small level of comfort.

Sympathy Charms

About a year ago I came across these unique sympathy charms. This is a beautiful way to give a sympathy gift or keepsake to a friend or family member. These charms caught my eye because of the detail that can be seen and the precious memories that can be forever etched in silver or gold.

These gifts are perfect for children who have lost a grandparent, parent or friend. A beautiful gift for a widow who has lost her spouse.

A beautiful memorial piece that will be cherished for many years and generations to come.

Grieving from Afar.

Offering your sympathy and condolences when a family member of a friend or an acquaintance passes away in another state or country is a natural act of love and empathy. Letting he or she know that you are there for them is often times all that is needed to show you care. For very close friends and acquaintances some choose to send a gift of support such as a sympathy gift basket or a contribution of flowers for the services. But what do you do when a family member or friend that you share a special friendship or bond with passes away and you find yourself living in another location far away and circumstances are such that you are not able to travel to attend the funeral services? Many find themselves in this agonizing situation with obstacles such as work, family obligations and other commitments that interfere with their ability to attend the funeral.

Fortunately for those who find themselves in this situation there is now a solution that is readily available, easy to set up, and a blessing for many. Online funerals are a direct result of modern technology and the information super highway that keeps us all connected no matter where our location or what our situation.

Many funeral homes are now offering this service. The family of the departed may choose to offer this service and find it acceptable but it is also wise to check with the clergyman who will officiate the ceremony as they sometimes may consider this to be inappropriate. If such a service is acceptable the family can begin to make the necessary arrangements and notifications of the day and time of the service. If you will be attending an online funeral you will want to pay particular attention to the necessary time zones so that you do not find yourself missing the service due the hourly difference in the time zones.

Once the services are ready to get underway you will be required to log in to the memorial home's company website and tune into the live web cast. There you will be able to observe the service just as if you were sitting in the audience and in actual attendance. This funeral option is an ever evolving service that will very soon allow you to interact live in real time with those in attendance. With such real time technology one might be able to personally offer condolences, support, or even give a eulogy for the deceased! Whatever the situation those who find themselves unable to attend a funeral will be ever grateful for this advanced and very loving alternative to show they care.

Please enjoy the informative and brief video that highlights the many benefits on online funeral planning or attendance.

Patriot Guards also Known as Operation Patriotic Shield

I was listening to the radio station this morning when the local news told of a story of the Operation Patriotic Shield. I was intrigued and listened.
I was aware of the protests that have been happening at military funerals. While they saddened me deeply, I wasn't sure what I could do to help. This is where Operation Patriotic Shield comes in. Normal every day people like you and I come in with flags and posters thanking the family for the service and sacrifice of their loved one. These people, everyday citizens, line the funeral route to overwhelm the protesters. It's kind of like a human shield of honor.
Stephanie Williams of the Kansas City Examiner wrote an amazing article that shows how important this is.

If your interested in knowing more or participating in a local ceremony check out the Political Chips website or Operation Payback. Both sites are updated often. There is also a facebook group called Operation Patriotic Shield that you can friend.